Being heart broken is something everyone experiences at some point. Whether that be a bad breakup, the loss of a loved one, or just something as simple as a falling out with a friend. It breaks our heart and it crushes our spirit. There’s a certain amount of pain and anguish we all feel, but definitely don’t acknowledge as much as we could, or should. It’s the kind of pain that brings us to our knees, that makes us physically ache, and sends us to bed with puffy eyes and a runny nose.
It’s not a great place to be in, and it’s not the sort of vulnerability that we generally like to show. I know for me, at least, I don’t like showing it.
For a long time, through childhood and into my early adult years, I was excellent at masking this pain. I was the happy friend. The one that everyone turned to when they needed a shoulder to cry on and an uplifting word. I was never hurt or upset outwardly. I won’t lie and say my childhood was full of torturous, lonely, broken-hearted years; but I will say that small amounts of pain and anguish build up over time. They tear down at a person’s soul and mind, no matter how strong they appear on the outside. A smile isn’t always an expression of happiness.
It wasn’t until recently, really, that I even truly came to accept that I was a broken-hearted person, that I was crushed in spirit. I had never seen myself as that before. Despite knowing that there were parts of me I didn’t share with most, despite the knowledge that behind my peppy smile there was pain and anguish I had never verbalized, I didn’t accept it. Because I defined myself as my friends did – the happy friend. I knew God was there, and I knew he would always be there for me, but I had never fallen to my knees in prayer to Him, because I hadn’t accepted it.
Then one day, it just clicked. I can’t pinpoint the time in my life when I realized and accepted that I was a broken person, spiritually, mentally, physically, but suddenly the knowledge was there. For a short time, I strayed from God. I didn’t actively seek him, but I didn’t reject him either. I was the absolute embodiment of a lukewarm Christian. I went to church when I was in my home town, I listened to Christian music when it was on, I read my bible sometimes. I wasn’t looking to him to help save me from myself.
Luckily, God stepped in and smacked me upside the head this year. He reminded me what I have, and what I know. He reminded me of His glory and power. But most of all, He reminded me that I am His daughter, a child of the one true king. I began to read my bible again, to actively seek him. I changed the radio station in my car back to the Christian station. I found bible studies to do daily to grow my knowledge and relationship, and I’m on my way back to where I was growing up (and even beyond that, really).
This journey has led me straight to the Psalms, a book I’ve always enjoyed reading. There are so many amazing prayers and songs in this book that speak to me on so many levels. (To be honest, the list of topics I have for this blog, so far, consists of mostly Psalms.) The one that’s given me the most comfort in my time of need, though, comes from Psalms 34, Verse 18. “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
There are so many different stories that we all have that proves this time and time again. God heals his children. He lifts us all up and makes us better than we were before. He helps us to power through the darkest times in our lives. There’s a reason most people turn to God in their dark hours. He mends our hearts and minds, our spirits. Thorough God, all things are possible, and with God, we’re stronger than we could ever hope to be. He’s the strength we all need to get through our days, and the foundation we all need to stand firm. Without Him, we’re nothing.
So if you’re struggling right now, if you’re dealing with a dark time and you feel like God has forsaken you, I encourage you to turn to him. Look to the heavens for guidance. Pray and ask him to heal your broken heart. Let him into your life and let him do miracles in you and through you. He will show you the light, and He will bring you through the struggles. All you have to do is ask and let him into your heart.
It’s not a great place to be in, and it’s not the sort of vulnerability that we generally like to show. I know for me, at least, I don’t like showing it.
For a long time, through childhood and into my early adult years, I was excellent at masking this pain. I was the happy friend. The one that everyone turned to when they needed a shoulder to cry on and an uplifting word. I was never hurt or upset outwardly. I won’t lie and say my childhood was full of torturous, lonely, broken-hearted years; but I will say that small amounts of pain and anguish build up over time. They tear down at a person’s soul and mind, no matter how strong they appear on the outside. A smile isn’t always an expression of happiness.
It wasn’t until recently, really, that I even truly came to accept that I was a broken-hearted person, that I was crushed in spirit. I had never seen myself as that before. Despite knowing that there were parts of me I didn’t share with most, despite the knowledge that behind my peppy smile there was pain and anguish I had never verbalized, I didn’t accept it. Because I defined myself as my friends did – the happy friend. I knew God was there, and I knew he would always be there for me, but I had never fallen to my knees in prayer to Him, because I hadn’t accepted it.
Then one day, it just clicked. I can’t pinpoint the time in my life when I realized and accepted that I was a broken person, spiritually, mentally, physically, but suddenly the knowledge was there. For a short time, I strayed from God. I didn’t actively seek him, but I didn’t reject him either. I was the absolute embodiment of a lukewarm Christian. I went to church when I was in my home town, I listened to Christian music when it was on, I read my bible sometimes. I wasn’t looking to him to help save me from myself.
Luckily, God stepped in and smacked me upside the head this year. He reminded me what I have, and what I know. He reminded me of His glory and power. But most of all, He reminded me that I am His daughter, a child of the one true king. I began to read my bible again, to actively seek him. I changed the radio station in my car back to the Christian station. I found bible studies to do daily to grow my knowledge and relationship, and I’m on my way back to where I was growing up (and even beyond that, really).
This journey has led me straight to the Psalms, a book I’ve always enjoyed reading. There are so many amazing prayers and songs in this book that speak to me on so many levels. (To be honest, the list of topics I have for this blog, so far, consists of mostly Psalms.) The one that’s given me the most comfort in my time of need, though, comes from Psalms 34, Verse 18. “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
There are so many different stories that we all have that proves this time and time again. God heals his children. He lifts us all up and makes us better than we were before. He helps us to power through the darkest times in our lives. There’s a reason most people turn to God in their dark hours. He mends our hearts and minds, our spirits. Thorough God, all things are possible, and with God, we’re stronger than we could ever hope to be. He’s the strength we all need to get through our days, and the foundation we all need to stand firm. Without Him, we’re nothing.
So if you’re struggling right now, if you’re dealing with a dark time and you feel like God has forsaken you, I encourage you to turn to him. Look to the heavens for guidance. Pray and ask him to heal your broken heart. Let him into your life and let him do miracles in you and through you. He will show you the light, and He will bring you through the struggles. All you have to do is ask and let him into your heart.